You'll Never Walk Alone

So the motto of Liverpool FC is "You'll never walk alone" taken from the musical "Carousel" the musical. I've never seen "Carousel", but those words ring true to everyone in this life whether you know it or not. I suppose those words ring the most true to Liverpool supporters who remember the Hillsborough tragedy where 96 fans were killed in one of Britain's worst sports disasters. I like to listen to World Soccer Daily, where both of the hosts talked about the Hillsborough tragedy, and many Liverpool supporters are very mad about the comments made by the hosts because they seemed to make light of the situation. I'm not acquainted personally with the Hillsborough tragedy, but I am not unfamiliar with tragedy. What I gather from life so far is that tragedy happens to all of us, and it takes everyone different times to feel justice has been served that we can cope with our own tragedies. I don't judge Kenny and Stephen for what they said, but it seems very evident to me that there are a lot of people at Merseyside that have not received justice and retribution for their tragedy. Some families may have dealt with their losses and are ready to move on, but at the same time so people still need time to deal completely with the tragedies they have endured. I respect both sides, and understand both conditions, but ask for patience as people need different times to deal with tragedy.

I learned today that a relative of mine passed on tonight, suddenly. I was not particularly close to my relative, but nonetheless, I feel a sense of loss for myself and my family. To me he was an uncle, but to some he was a brother, and son. My time of mourning will be less than others, but what seems the most important to me right now is the Scouser truth that "You'll never walk alone..." My family will endure this time of sorrow, and through strength prevail. However, soon in the future it seems there will be another tragedy in my family, but again we will band together, pool strength, and overcome adversity. We will never walk alone...

--DoE

Desolation Row

So I'm a huge Bob Dylan fan because the man is a lyrical genius. His songs range from completely random such as "I Shall be Free" to philosophically deep anthems like "The Times They Are-A Changin'". What makes Dylan a truly great artist is that his music is transferable, transferable in the sense that it can jump genres easily and to great effect. By random chance I ended up listening to My Chemical Romance's version of "Desolation Row" and I am still in the process of being blown away! Although their music is drastically different than that of Dylan, they captured the essence of the song "Desolation Row" to such a great degree that it could be considered better than the original Dylan version.

This isn't the first time Dylan's music had done this. Consider "All Along the Watchtower." Dylan wrote this song, but it was Jimi Hendrix's music that made it famous and I will again argue that Jimi's music captured the essence of that song. It was Dylan's lyrics ringing through Jimi's music that created a winning combination. This encourages me because I feel like every story of life has already been told, and although I am living the same story as many people before me, I can have my own twist on the story (my own music) and thus embody the essence of life.

To that end, and the end of this post, I want to revisit some time I spent with my grandfather one day before he passed on. He told me a story of himself as a young man, and I found his stories to be eerily parallel to the situations I found myself in at the time. The pitfalls that he faced were the exact same as the pitfalls facing me then and today, and his story of how he overcame those situations, or succumbed to them, were an inspiration to me. Talking to him gave me hope that my song would follow the same lyrics as his, but my music would capture a different emotion. If I live my life, and live it like he lived his, I have succeeded in living a good life. To come full cycle, Bob Dylan's song "Gospel Plow" always makes me remember my granddad. My grandfather told me the story when he was 11 he had to plow between crops that were taller than him, and at the time he was too young to turn the plow himself, so his mules had to do it for him. He would work from sun up until dark six days a week, and when he finished, he had to start all over again the next week. To have that much resolve at such a young age is a testament to my grandfather's character, and I think of him often and drawn on his strength. I think it is true that no matter your current status and no matter your walk of life... "You'll Never Walk Alone."

--DoE

On Harry Chapin, music, and problem solving.

His lyrics are beautiful poetry. They are timeless stories that relate to the human condition in all places and times. Harry Chapin speaks words that are reality and applicable to most people in some way or another. This may sound like an obsession, but the truth is that music is one of my greatest releases. As clichéd as this may seem, music can take you to infinite locations in infinite worlds. There are no bounds to music, except for the imagination of the listener. My imagination is most likely too great at times, but that is a saving grace from my over critical, reason-oriented mindset. I remember in high school, my favorite t-shirt to wear was a Carlos Santana tye-dye shirt with a picture of him jammin' on the front with the words "Let the music set you free..." This rang true as my anthem in high school, through college, and even until now. Music is a part of a spiritual dimension that transcends this reality to a place where I am free, free to live and die as each note begins and gives way to another. Each note played can represent a whole life in itself with its own disappointments, victories, and struggles. Through a single song, there can be a multitude of lifetimes, each with unique outcomes, or each with the same outcome, whatever is the will of the listener. I love this part of music.

I want to shift gears a little from this, and talk about how music is a release. Music to me can take me away from life and all its troubles, and this is desirable because everyone needs some way of coping with the ups and downs of life. However, I often wonder is there any value in that? Take for example now, in reality I am in the process of buying a house, and it is the most frustration I have ever experienced in my life. I have told numerous people that I have so much pent up aggression that it is almost scary the amount of feelings that I have held inside. Even though I vent my frustrations via video games, music and sports, the fact still remains that I have to deal with the real problem, which is the home loan. No matter the amount of diversions I take part in, and no matter the venting that I do, these acts are done in complete uselessness because they do not affect the true problem. They deal with peripheral problems, for example any one day's stress, but do nothing to rectify the real problem. Therefore, what is the worth of "wasting time" with these actions if they do not contribute any real benefit?

Immediately, I can understand that from the questions I have posed that I myself see some answers. Venting activities alleviate stress levels that one incurs over a period of time, which can prevent a compounding effect of stress. To clarify, if one does not alleviate stress, new stress can interact with "old" stress and the combination of the two have a synergistic relationship that is worse than the accruing of new stress solely (which can subsequently be removed by some venting activity). I suppose this is the true benefit to venting. I would classify stress as combinatorial and synergistic, and as such, the accumulation of stress should be minimized whenever possible. As such, it is important to use venting activities as frequent as needed to minimize the negative effects of stress.

I don't know if I can come back full circle on this post, my peace has been spoken, and I feel that although venting activities are still somewhat insignificant, if they were not employed, we would simply implode with pent up feelings.

To finish, (and now for something completely different?) I want to state that even though music plays such an integral part in my escape from reality, at the same time, it reassures me that reality is not so bad. It is true that times are tough, and things may seem bleak, but in the long run things usually work out right. I would encourage you to listen to a Harry Chapin song called There only was one choice which embodies my feelings about life in general right now. It chronicles the story of a young man who completes his life only to see his son living his own life, but his life mirrors that of his father. Harry Chapin writes this as part of his conclusion, and thus it is fitting for a conclusion to my story...

"So I stride down sunny streets and the band plays back my song
They're applauding at my shadow long after I am gone
Should I hold this wistful notion that the journey is worthwhile
Or tiptoe cross the chasm with a song and a smile

Well I got up this morning -- I don't need to know no more
It evaporated nightmares that had boiled the night before
With every new day's dawning my kid climbs in my bed
And tells the cynics of the board room your language is dead

And as I wander with my music through the jungles of despair
My kid will learn guitar and find his street corner somewhere
There he'll make the silence listen to the dream behind the voice
And show his minstrel Hamlet daddy that there only was one choice"
-Harry Chapin

--DoE

A quick note on probabilities, life and luck

Many people in the world can be considered optimists who can always see the good in a situation and always expect the best. Thinking optimistically, however, can have certain drawbacks. Always expecting the best can leave a person open to disappointment when a situation doesn't end well and sometimes this disappointment can be severe. People who are overly optimistic are at a higher risk, or have a greater probability, of disappointment. Optimism does have its benefits. Optimists seem to have a better demeanor, regardless of the outcomes they experience, i.e. even though a negative outcome may have occurred, they are quickly encouraged by a new scenario and the possibility of a success.

Other people in the world can be labeled pessimists. Pessimists, the opposite of optimists, always expect the a negative conclusion to any scenario, i.e. they expect the worse. The costs and benefits of pessimism are different than those of optimism. Pessimists are rarely ever disappointed with an outcome because they have already prepared themselves for disappointment, and likewise, they are pleasantly surprised when an outcome is positive. This can be seen as a benefit, because too much disappointment can even affect the supreme optimist to the point where they can become disheartened. However, the general demeanor of these people is often unpleasant, as they only expect negative outcomes. This can affect the mood of people surrounding pessimists (which itself can affect the pessimist), but also a lifetime of pessimism doesn't seem the best choice.

I propose another class of people, of which I am a member and that class is the realist. Realists are neither strictly optimistic nor strictly pessimistic, but rather are they are conditionally both. Realists play the odds (probabilities), and depending on the most likely outcome of that "game" they will be either optimistic or pessimistic. I am a big fan of game theory (perhaps best known by "A Beautiful Mind" based on the story of a game theorist named Nash), so life seems like a series of games, where my best choice in a game is influenced by the other players in the game. Simply, my best choice is influenced by whatever is happening around my choice. Therefore, before I become optimistic or pessimistic, I "predict" what the probability of me winning is, and if the probability of a success is high, I would be optimistic, but conversely, if the probability of success is low, then I would be pessimistic.

With this in mind, I want to consider life and luck for a few lines. First, I assume that we agree there is an element of "luck" in life. Luck can be defined where a success (or failure) was unlikely, but nevertheless occurred rather than the other outcome. For example, if I was drawing a random card from a normal deck of cards and I said, “I am going to draw a queen of hearts" and I did, then I would consider that luck. The probability was roughly .02 (1/52), but that outcome was achieved by "luck."

As an aside, if someone were very deterministic in their mindset, then they might say that luck doesn't exist, because everything occurs by "divine appointment." I understand this is more of a theological argument (that I don't want to delve into), but quickly this is the idea that a higher power (deity most often) as already decided our future, and as such there can be no surprises, and all probabilities are equal to 1 or 0 because they either will or will not occur. I would argue there is still luck in a human life because we have no knowledge of the future, and as such, we can only assign probabilities to outcomes, and therefore, my definition of luck is valid.

Now, I would think that luck in life is distributed randomly, but I am not sure that is the case. The old saying is that "When it rains, it pours," and this is an interesting adage because it suggests that bad luck might accompany more bad luck. Therefore, is luck independent? Well athletes go through patches of "good form" or "bad form", and usually they stay in that form for a few games (or some duration of time) , and then finally they break their form. If this is the case, do individuals have some effect on luck? Another saying that is applicable is that "Fortune favors the bold," and this statement has some significance to my discussion. Fortune, which can be dubbed good luck, favors those who try. Likewise, Wayne Gretzky was credited with saying that "You miss every shot you don't take," and that is correct also. To have good luck, one must attempt a decision, or "play a game." This might ultimately favor those who slightly favor optimism, but luck by definition is usually a losing cause, so the best approach is still be a conditional optimist. For me, the ultimate driver of a decision is, what is the benefit for a win multiplied by the probability of winning versus the cost of losing multiplied by the probability of losing? If the benefit is greater, then take the chance, and likewise if the cost is greater, it may be best to "live to fight another day."

I wanted to end this post by quoting some lines from the Grateful Dead's Terrapin Station, but I think a post soon to come may analyze that song line by line and look at its significance. I hope I haven't left this post unresolved, but then again, many things in life remain unresolved... and I bid you goodnight! (Grateful Dead humor if you aren't familiar.)

On the bravery of winners

I want to consider a topic that everyone likes as my first steps into blogging, and that topic is winning. I want to first draw on a phrase in George C. Scott's opening speech in the movie Patton. He said, "Americans love a winner, and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time.... Because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans."

Albeit that this was a script written by a writer for the pleasure of an audience, I feel this sentiment is echoed, but not only by Americans, but by people in general. Winning is the end goal, and is an end in itself. Often times people will justify any means necessary to win, but for just a few moments, let's consider winners.

First I want to draw on some observations from present time, and what is better than March Madness and the final few fixtures of the Premiere League in England. Winning is the only acceptable outcome. Take for example Chelsea in English football. Their manager last year led them to second in the Premiere League Table and was a penalty kick away from winning the UEFA Champions League crown, but ended second to Manchester United. His fate, fired. His success was not winning; it was being the best loser. University of Kentucky basketball is something I am intimately acquainted with, and it is the same situation. Billy Gillespie inherited a UK basketball team that was below what has become a high standard for their men's basketball program. Through his tenure, he has arguably raised the level of talent at UK, and given a few more years will most likely result in a high quality basketball team, but his departure may be already in the cards because he has failed to win. Sir Alex Ferguson of Manchester United has commented about the impatience of people today who demand success at the drop of a hat, but the greatest plight of winners is the expectation that once you are the best, you must stay the best.

This is where I can finally formulate my opinion on the bravery of winners. I don't want to be boastful, but I have staked my life at being the best and being a winner. Up until I was in the third grade, I cried every time I lost. I can remember long division races in third grade math, and I was a juggernaut. One day I lost, and my opponents reply was, "I finally did it, I defeated the brain..."

Though insignificant as that may seem, I was crushed. My level of excellence was tarnished by one faltering moment. Why was it such a big deal to me to lose? I think it is because I am a coward. I am afraid of losing, afraid of not being a winner. As a result, I am a slave to my own mind. Everything I do, basketball to class work to video games, I have to succeed and win. If I fail, then I continue trying until I get better, until I become a winner. Some people see this as bravery. For the sake of argument, consider a hypothetical example. An athlete loses the 100m dash, and vows to win it the next year, so for one year he is consumed by his desire to win. He trains, sweats, and bleeds to achieve his goal, and he wins. So now what must he do? If he is a true winner, then he must win again and defend his crown, so he trains again for a year, just as hard. Why did he train again? I feel, at least in my personal situations, he continues to train because he fears losing. He fears that losing makes him less desirable. This is the cowardice associated with winning. A real example now. Online video games often have rankings associated with them. Once I have achieved a certain rank I often want to stop playing because I fear losing that rank. I am a slave to winning, and must continue to do it to feel acceptable.

On a closely related note this is why I am not a quitter either. Quitting equates to losing, and winners despise losing. As a result, again I am a slave to winning. I find myself in impossible situations, but yet I can't quit, because quitting is losing, and I can't tolerate losing. What is there for me to do? I am stuck in a positive feedback loop that continues to push me in a winning direction, which may not seem bad to many people, but the stress that accompanies winning is immense. More is constantly required of winners until the finally "fall from grace" and disappear, making way for a new winner to take their place. I suppose I have come full circle now, and as such I would like to end with the closing quote from the movie Patton, and I will leave it for anyone to dwell upon the ultimate fate of all winners.

"For over a thousand years Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of triumph, a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters, musicians and strange animals from conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conquerors rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children robed in white stood with him in the chariot or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror holding a golden crown and whispering in his ear a warning: that all glory is fleeting."

-DoE